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Great Sex On Purpose

Great sex is worth shooting for.

Sex can be good, bad, mediocre, indifferent, ugly -- or awesome, beautiful, totally GREAT.  Shoot for great.  Knowing how you are wired for pleasure is a good start.  Mechanics matter.  But there's more to great sex.

Choice matters. 

Choice matters in every aspect of our lives.  What makes us human?  We choose.  What makes you uniquely you?  Your choices. It's no different for your sex life. 

People who feel self directed or like they are choosing the direction and quality of their sexual experiences feel a greater sense of well-being. People who are clear and intentional about getting into bed with someone will experience a greater afterglow.

What’s important for great sex, glowing sex that goes on giving, is knowing what you want.

And getting in the driver’s seat to choose your own destiny.

Healthy sexuality is based on self-direction. 

We hear a lot about “unhealthy sexuality” — rape, STD’s, unplanned pregnancies, sexual disorders, affairs, sexual addictions, broken hearts and more.  Most of these problems result from people “sliding” into sex, asleep at the wheel. 

Healthy sexuality is not just the absence of sexual problems, it's a sexuality that satisfies, not just in the moment, but long afterwards.  There’s an afterglow. 

Healthy sexual relations are actively chosen with eyes wide open. Sex with a partner requires active choosing by two people — never just one! 

Do you know what you want?

Have you felt confused and unsure about why you are having sex, what it means to you? Have you ever felt pressured to have sex?  Or pressured to engage in a particular sexual act?   Have you let someone else’s choices rule the night, losing your self-direction?  Have you pressured someone else to have sex or do sex your way, not making sure there was “choice for two”?

These might be common experiences, but they aren’t necessary or healthy.  To avoid negative and unhealthy sexual experiences, make your sexual relations purposeful.

Sex is a choice not an impulse or a drive.

Empower yourself.

Know what you want and make sex a decision not an impulse! Healthy sexuality is purposeful.

Many people don't treat sex as an important decision to make -- they slide and don't decide because they're unsure what they want or they're taken over by in-the-moment drives.  

When decisions are made about sex impulsively, the outcomes are often negative -- maybe you'll feel regret, or you and your partner will have different expectations about the meaning of sex and your relationship, or you'll feel confused about what you really want in the relationship.  

Like all important decisions, decisions about sex start with knowing yourself. 

What's important to you?  You need to know what you want, and what you don't want. It's up to you to know what choices will leave you and your partner feeling fully charged.  

Know your own limits and what is acceptable to you -- have a clear "sexual policy". Decide what sexual activities you'd like to try, and which ones you'd rather keep on the back burner.  Ask your partner's limits, too. Inquire about their sexual policy and listen closely.   Discuss your desires, communicate your needs, and then let the electricity flow!  

Actions you later regret can drain you of power and happiness... and potentially lead to health problems.  

Know what you want in your sex life and working together with your partner to make decisions that are pleasurable and healthy for both of you, that's great sex.

So... sex with a partner, aftershock or afterglow?

If your sexual experience: 

1 in 3 women will have an unplanned pregnancy by the age of 20!!

  • wasn't intentional (it just sort of happened), or
  • there was a risk for unplanned pregnancy or STDs/STIs, or
  • you felt disrespected or taken advantage of, or
  • your physical or emotional needs weren't meant, or
  • sex meant something else to you than it did your partner, or
  • any number of other "messy" unintended consequences lurked around your bed...

Then you might experience an "aftershock" after sex.  From unpleasant to downright life-altering. 

On the other hand, if you have sex on purpose -- both partners freely and intentionally choosing it -- and get the "click" with your partner physically and emotionally...

Then you might have great sex and experience that "afterglow" that comes from the giving and receiving of sexual pleasure and sexual love.

You are responsible for your own afterglow.

Your experience of great sex and a sexual afterglow is largely in your hands.  No one knows what your sexual needs, desires, likes and dislikes are but you.  Job one is knowing yourself -- take the time to understand your own sexuality, on your terms, so that you know what you want. when you choose to become sexually intimate with a partner you can help them understand what you want.

Knowing yourself sexually is also understanding where you stand on pregnancy prevention and STD/ STI prevention. Being able to relax and enjoy a sexual experience has a lot to do with knowing that you are protecting yourself against the aftershocks of sex like a baby aftershock or a sexually-transmitted infection aftershock.

Understanding how you and your partner are going to prevent aftershocks has a lot to do with good sex and your afterglow too. Once you know what you want sexually, it's time to talk to your partner.

Sex and love are a darn good mix.

Take charge of your love life! to get your glow on. 

Move on to learn more about getting your glow on, sex and love, like a hand an glove.... 

 Move On!